Insert Evil Genetic Experiment Here
by Drake Dragonsoul
Summary: A Stu forms an alliance with Doctor Cortex to create a more powerful Sue. Drake blunders into the fandom to investigate, encountering more trouble than he could have imagined and he hasn't even gotten to the mutant Sue yet!


Disclaimer: I don't own the Crash Bandicoot franchise. All members of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society appearing in this story belong to their respective owners. My namesake and two other characters appearing here belong to me.

Insert Evil Genetic Experiment Here

The magmadon waded through the molten steel, a small anthromorphic bandicoot perched safely on its back. An orange wooden mask covered the titan's face, keeping the viscous mutant under Crash's control.

Crash breathed a sigh of relief as the red anthromorphic turtle stepped out of the liquid steel and unto the solid metal floor of Cortex's secret base. He glanced around; expecting to find a group of titans waiting to attack him, but the facility seemed oddly deserted. Normally by this time his titan would have been so damaged he'd need to jack another one.

A movement in the shadows caught Crash's eye, a figure leapt out and slashed the magmadon across the chest, the figure dashed away, glowing an unearthly light blue color, before it shot forward again, hitting the titan's leg and causing it to drop to one knee. Crash attempted to throw a punch with his titan, but the figure just blurred away again and the next thing Crash knew, a slash had been scored across the magmadon's back. The figure stopped in front of the titan and thrust his arm forward, palm open and launched a barrage of light blue balls of darkness. The injured magmadon groaned in pain and collapsed, the figure stepping back to avoid being crushed under it.

Crash leapt from the dying creature. The mask on the titan's face reverted to its true form, Aku Aku, the witch doctor spirit that guarded Wampa Island. He was a floating orange wooden mask with yellow pupil less eyes. Four feathers stood out of the top of the mask, each a different color.

Their attacker turned to face them. A black sword, the blade shaped like a demonic wing vanished from his hand. The stranger was tall, much more so than the short Cortex. He wore a black trench coat and black jeans. His brown spiky hair was pulled back into a short ponytail. He pulled a pair of purple-rimmed glasses from his trench coat and placed them on his nose. "You two look lost."

Crash mumbled unintelligibly at the stranger, though his raised fist and ticked expression made his threat clear.

"Who are you?" Aku Aku demanded as he hovered beside Crash.

"That's not important right now," the youth replied coolly, raising a hand. A ball of darkness appeared in his palm and he thrust it forward, the blast of magic struck the duo and sent them flying out of a nearby window.

Crash screamed as he fell through the air, the mountainside that hide Cortex's lair flashing past as he fell.

"Crash!" Aku Aku exclaimed as he dived towards the bandicoot.

The marsupial caught the mask as he got close and tossed him under his feet; he stood on top of the hovering piece of wood and hit the sloping ground of the mountain. Aku Aku kept them from going splat though as he hovered off the ground and Crash went rolling down the slope as though he stood on a skateboard instead of an enchanted mask. They picked up speed as they flew down the slope and Crash gasped as he saw the ground rise into a hill, forming a natural ramp. Without any time to slow down, the two went flying off the ramp, Crash screaming as they were once again airborne and flying over the forest below.

The black-clad figure watched this entire escapade out of the broken window. A hovering screen floated down next to him and the large head of Dr. Neo Cortex appeared on it. "Why didn't you finish him off?"

A smirk appeared on the youth's face. "Because unless I miss my guess, someone's going to be coming after me soon. By leaving the bandicoot alive, I've left a guide for that someone and when they finally find me we'll be able to test our experiment."

"You underestimate the bandicoot," Cortex frowned.

"I think I've proved that I can handle Crash."

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Drake sat in the Library Arcanium's kitchen, slowly devouring a slice of pizza. He glanced up as Tyler entered, rubbing his eyes sleepily. The short agent glanced at the box of pizza sitting in the middle of the table.

"Hey…"

"Want some?" Drake asked, gesturing to the pizza box.

"Uh-huh," Tyler nodded, going over to the box and lifting the lid. He pulled out a slice of pizza and bit into it. His eyes went wide. "Ack! Are those anchovies?"

Drake nodded and took another bite of his slice, while Tyler gagged and ran over to the trash to spit out his mouthful of fish-laden pizza. Drake watched with an amused expression.

"That's sick," Tyler gasped, going over to the fridge and looking for something to wash the foul taste out of his mouth.

"Why does everyone hate anchovies so much?" Drake wondered aloud. A loud beep sounded from his pocket and Drake pulled the communicator out. "Yeah?"

"We have multiple Sue readings in the Crash Bandicoot fandom," Marcus' voice issued from the communicator.

"How many?" Drake asked, taking quick bites out of his pizza.

"Two, a level one and the other was a level four, but it just became a level five," Marcus replied.

"Okay, I'll take care of it," Drake jammed the last of the pizza into his mouth and set down his communicator before leaving the room.

Tyler finally came up for air after guzzling half a jug of orange juice. He glanced around and didn't see Drake, just an abandoned communicator lying on the table.

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Drake stepped out of a plothole and unto the soft grass of Wampa Island. A large expanse of forest filled with tropical plants surrounded him. He glanced around and spotted several small pod-like plants, which he knew would each contain a small collection of mojo, the main collectible of the newer Crash games.

The ferns behind him rustled and Drake spun around, the bracelet on his arm glowing as his armor formed covering him from head to toe.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake exclaimed, equipping his spear and swinging it at the ferns. Several spinning boomerangs of blue energy launched from the tip of the spear. A yelp came from the bushes and a certain anthromorphic bandicoot leapt out of them just in time to avoid being slashed down with the plant.

"Oh, it's just the main protagonist," Drake sighed, his spear vanishing.

Crash glared at his attacker and then launched himself at Drake. His furry fist slammed into the agent's helmet, sending him stumbling. Crash followed up with a kick to the ankle.

"Ow! Hold it; I'm on your side!" Drake exclaimed.

Crash crouched down and flipped forward, slamming both feet into Drake's armored chest.

"Darn it!" Drake exclaimed, grabbing Crash's wrist and swinging him around by it. He let go and sent the bandicoot flying into a tree trunk.

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"Everything ready?" Mysterious dude dressed in black asked as he stepped into Cortex's lab.

The mad scientist nodded at the table which a currently motionless figure was strapped to. A ray gun-like device hung from the ceiling above the table. "I'm about to start the final procedure."

"Allow me," Mysterious dude dressed in black walked over to a console and threw a switch. A beam of light shot from the ray gun shot at the figure below. "Ah, I love the smell of an Evolvoray in the morning."

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Marcus was still on monitoring duty and since he had nothing better to do was monitoring the status of Drake's mission. The screen currently displayed the battle between the Society agent and the heroic bandicoot. Crash charged at Drake and began spinning, becoming an orange tornado. The attack hit Drake; multiply clangs coming from his armor. In the top left corner of the screen, Marcus noticed a "Combo X 20" appear. He shook his head wondering if the monitor was broken.

A beep came from the screen and another window appeared over the one projecting the fight. It was a large map of Wampa Island. Drake's position was displayed by a blue dot, while the two Sues were marked by red dots. Marcus blinked as he saw the Sue levels. The level four had dropped to level one, but the first level one was now steadily rising and already nearing a level six!

He grabbed his communicator and called Drake's.

"Hello?" Tyler's voice answered.

"Tyler?" Marcus frowned in confusion. "But I called Drake's number."

"Yeah, I think Drake forgot to take his communicator with," Tyler said slowly.

Marcus groaned and facepalmed. "All right, find Camille and get her to take a look at the monitor. I want to make sure these strange readings aren't some kind of glitch."

"Strange readings?" Tyler repeated.

"The threat levels are going up and down like a rollercoaster."

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"Storm Punch!" Drake exclaimed leaping at Crash, his fist crackling with blue energy. Aku Aku appeared in front of Crash, projecting a barrier. Drake's fist slammed through the barrier and into the mask, sending him flying back into Crash and then the both of them flying into the bushes.

"That was fun," Drake sighed, dusting off his hands.

Heavy footsteps approached from behind him and Drake spun around to see a trio of Spikes, large brown titans with large claws and spikes covering their bodies. The lead Spike raised its claws to swipe at him, but Drake leapt back before it could swing its arm.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake exclaimed summoning his spear and sending the storm of spinning energy blades at the Spikes. The creatures howled as the attack cut through their thick hides.

The Spikes recovered quickly though and one slammed its paw into the ground. Drake realized too late what it had just done as a circle of spikes shot out of the ground around the titan. The spikes stabbed into his armor and knocked Drake into the air. (Hey, this is video game physics.) He groaned as he hit the ground with a loud thud.

"This just isn't my day," Drake grunted as he tried to stand back up. The spikes had actually managed to penetrate and hit some flesh and the impact with the ground had jarred him.

The titan started forward, the other two were standing back, dazed from being hit by their comrade's spike attack.

Crash leapt back out of the bushes towards one of the two dazed titans. He slammed Aku Aku onto the Spike's face as he landed on its back. The enchanted mask attached to the beast's face and tribal markings similar to those on Crash covered the titan as he took control of it. The Spike approaching Drake stopped and turned to face Crash. The jacked Spike raised a paw and made a bring-it-on gesture with its claws.

Drake groaned and managed to push himself back onto his feet. He stepped back from the two clashing Spikes, pressing a palm to the side of his aching head. He spun around, planning to retreat, but crashed into someone.

"Drake, you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" he asked, pushing himself into a sitting position, so he could glare at the speaker, Tyler. Marcus and a small collection of Society agents stood behind him. Ben cowered from Shirley, while the cliché seemed to be close to (literally) chewing him out. Pete in his darkness Kamen Rider suit and Joe in his biosuit stood to the side of Marcus. Douglas who had some kind of machine gun pointed at Crash and the titan he was clashing with.

"We have a problem…" Marcus started.

"You have no idea!" the group glanced up at the voice and saw a mass of bright blue light descending on them. The kamehameha struck the ground as they scattered, the large explosion caught them though and sent them sailing through the air. Crash, Aku Aku, and the Spikes were knocked out by the attack. Drake crashed into a rock and dropped to the forest floor. He turned his head skyward and watched as their assailant descended towards the ground.

She was the most muscular Mary-Sue Drake had ever seen, most of them tended to be on the petite side, but this one looked Amazonian. Her hair seemed to be every color of the rainbow. Her wardrobe was a cross between a trench coat, Saiyan armor, and the spider suit Amber had worn.

"What do you think of my Super-Sue?" Drake turned his head to find mysterious dude dressed in black emerging from behind a tree.

"Who are you?" the Society agent asked, pushing himself back to his feet for the second time that minute.

"You can call me Raven," the Stu replied, removing his glasses and folding them up, before stuffing them into the pocket of his trench coat.

"You made that thing?" Drake asked.

"Didn't I just say that?" Raven frowned. "Yes, though I had some help from this fandom's main villain. Rather impressive, no? Blending the powers of several Stus and Sues into one being is hard. Oh, hold on a minute."

Marcus lunged at Raven, pulling his sword of his umbrella shaft. Raven's demonic sword appeared in his hands and blocked Marcus' slash.

"Do you really think it's wise to fight me, Marcus?" Raven smirked confidently. Marcus raised an eyebrow in surprise that the Stu knew his name. "Oh, I've researched all of you Society members. It's what I do…"

Marcus stabbed his sword forward, but Raven batted it aside with ease. "…you're hardly the most combat-suited agent… wouldn't you prefer to beat me with some sort of plan?"

"Time doesn't permit that!" Marcus shouted swinging his sword again, Raven sidestepped the blade.

"How true," Raven raised his hand and shot several balls of dark fire at Marcus who opened his umbrella and let the attack bounce off the shield charm on it. "Still I would prefer that you waste your efforts on my Super-Sue, I need to field-test my creation."

Pete swung his sword at Super-Sue, but she just blurred out of the way, reappearing behind him. Pete spun around, swinging his sword as he did, but the Sue just blurred away again. She raised her arms and launched a spray of webbing from her wrists, wrapping him tightly in a cocoon of the sticky substance.

Cristoph tossed several shurikens from his hiding place among the trees, but Super-Sue spun around as though she had sensed the attack coming and swatted the throwing stars out of the air with a pink energy whip.

"Pink!" Tyler shouted in rage, leaping at her and coming down with his staff raised to strike. Super-Sue back flipped and slammed both feet into Tyler's face.

"Argh!" the Amazonian Sue exclaimed as Joe raked his biosuit's claws across her shoulder. She spun around and punched Joe in the gut, sending him flying several feet. The wound in her shoulder began closing up and even the torn clothes began repairing itself.

"Looks like an outstanding success," Raven chuckled as he flipped over top of Marcus. He kicked off a tree and bounced back at him, his sword blade glowed with blue energy as he slashed it along his opponent's side. He spun around; raising his sword for a horizontal slash, but something hooking unto his wrist halted the descent of his sword.

"Got you!" Douglas exclaimed as he gripped his grappling prohibitor. Marcus slammed his knee into Raven's gut, even as he dropped his umbrella to cover the wound in his side. Raven grabbed hold of the grappling prohibition's cord and yanked on it. Douglas yelped as he stumbled forward. He engaged the electric shock function, sending a jolt of energy coursing through the cuff.

Raven threw his head back and laughed, electricity crackled, but the Stu didn't even seem to notice as he reached down and pulled the prohibitor off his arm. Doug's eyes stretched wide in surprise. "This little toy is nothing to me. I've altered the very core of my being so that your usual tricks won't work."

"Storm Kick!" Drake leapt forward, extending his foot. Raven spun around and tossed his sword at him. The weapon spun rapidly like a buzz saw before hitting its target. Drake was knocked back to the ground, his armor shattering into a large swarm of shining motes.

"Now then, maybe you'll let me watch the show," Raven caught his sword as it flew back to him. He turned back to the battle against Super-Sue.

She had taken flight again and was hurling balls of energy down on the small group of Society Agents, who were dodging the blasts. Christoph tossed another handful of shuriken at her, while Tyler blurred up behind her and slammed his staff into her back. The shuriken slammed into her a second later, preventing her from mustering enough concentration to spin around and attack Tyler who was already blurring away. Pete (who had broken free of the webbing) moved into his Light form and raised his guns, firing both at the hovering Sue. She blurred around most of the shots though a few still found their mark. Super-Sue summoned the pink energy whip again and slammed it into Pete, knocking him off his feet.

"Guys, she's weakening!" Marcus exclaimed. He glanced over at Raven. "Super-Sue might have a lot of power, but she tires much faster than normal Sues."

"It would appear you're right," Raven said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "My creation still needs work."

Shirley pounced on Super-Sue and began tearing at her with claws and teeth. The tiring Sue shrieked in pain before grabbing hold of Shirley and tossing her away.

"Don't mess with nukes!" Ben exclaimed, pointing at the rainbow-haired Amazon.

She glanced up to find a nuclear warhead bearing down on her. Super-Sue leapt into the air and outstretched both arms, catching the missile. The sweating Sue smirked as she prepared to throw the missile at Ben, but then her strength ebbed farther and the missile shot towards the ground, Super-Sue doing her best to hold it back. The Society agents and Raven ducked behind the solidest structures they could find as the missile forced its way to the ground and finally exploded.

Ben peered around the rock he had sheltered behind. The smoke slowly began clearing and the agents gasped as they made out Super-Sue's silhouette. She was still standing, but trembling and panting. She took one step forward and immediately collapsed facedown on the ground.

Raven sighed and flung himself over the fallen statue he had taken cover behind. He advanced on his fallen creation.

"Hold it right there," he turned around to find Pete aiming his guns at him. Tyler was pointing his staff at him and Douglas had brought out his Death Knight Sword. Christoph drew a pair of Sais. Shirley growled as she and Joe brandished their claws.

"I realize you have the numbers, but do you want to risk attacking me in your weakened condition?" Raven asked, glancing around at the injured agents.

"We could take you down," Tyler snapped even as he gasped for breath.

"Yes, but how many would you lose in the process?" Raven pulled his glasses out and slipped them back on.

Marcus frowned. "He's right. It's not worth it."

The agents sighed, but lowered their weapons.

"An excellent decision," Raven smiled warmly at the Society. He resumed walking over to Super-Sue and turned back to face them, bowing. "I look forward to our next meeting."

A plothole opened, swallowing up both Raven and his creation.

Drake groaned as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "I hate it when the Stu/Sue gets away."

"Nothing we can do about it," Marcus said. "Let's just get back to the Library, treat our wounds, and tell the others to be on the look-out for this new threat."


End file.
